Purpose

It has been a while since I wrote. To be honest, I have had no desire or motivation to do much in the last few months. In the early days of the pandemic, we developed routines that helped us get through each day. We had time to do things that we did not have time to do before. The lockdowns opened our eyes to what was significant and what we needed to appreciate more. It gave us a clean slate, a new way of living. At first, the change was good. Most of us did not mind the free time as we could spend it with kids and pets, learning new things and trying out new recipes. We also had the summer months approaching, which eased the displeasure of our situation. Then the pandemic dragged on much longer than we thought and hoped for. To add, we encountered constant closing and reopening of businesses and lockdowns that prevented us from seeing loved ones. We began 2021 still during this pandemic, isolating and wearing masks. The routines and activities that we were excited about, in the beginning, became limited and no longer satisfied our needs for meaningful experiences. The monotony of each day has become the same experience, only meshing the days together, almost to the point that it is hard to keep track of the day of the week. We filled our void by binging Netflix, taking daily walks, or pulling out the rolling pin to bake bread to distract us from boredom. These activities were meant to occupy or entertain us but are no longer adequate for the job. By winter, some of these activities became almost pointless. For some, we engaged in more watching, more buying needless items online, more hyper-stimulating ourselves, and more and more boredom. Together with the boredom and lack of meaningful experiences, there is the FOMO: the fear of missing out. We sourced ways to create significance in our lives because of the loss of possibilities that the pandemic has denied us like travelling. Not to mention, we had feelings of restlessness, depression, and anxiety. The layers of emotions are so complicated and overwhelming. The emotional consequences this pandemic has caused include elevated mental health issues, especially amongst females. In this situation of navigating through the unknown, it is normal to have these reactions and feelings, such as fear. It is part of the human response during threatening situations to stimulate the amygdala and our fight and flight. This uncertainty has kept us in this state. We need to ask ourselves some vital questions about how we think and feel in this life of pause. It's easy for us to forget where were are feeling stressed, anxious or justify the negative self-talk that takes over time to time.

For myself, the lack of focus and motivation to write or post and inspire others did not seem genuine. I could not do it. I needed to acknowledge that I felt bored, anxious, fearful, and at times angry. I had to remind myself to have self-compassion and patience instead of beating myself up for feeling "lazy." I felt compelled to clear the window of this foggy experience that I was having. It required me to connect to these emotions to defog my vision and take charge of how I was thinking. I had to find my flow again by setting new goals, boundaries and processing it all. I had to do this without forcing myself to do what did not feel genuine and wait until I was ready. I realized that I am not the only person feeling this array of emotions during this unprecedented time. This was reassuring. This is a common shared experience, and knowing this is what gave me the resilience to see the light at the end of this tunnel. To rethink some of the thoughts and feelings that flood us, I used these reminders:

• It's ok to feel frustrated

• We process things differently

• Productivity comes and goes

• The unknown is scary

• We can only do our best, that is all

There are no quick solutions to what is happening within us all, but we have to keep coming back to what we know works:

• take several deep breaths

• take care of your physical health

• eat well

• try to have a regular and routine sleep pattern

• disengage from unproductive and anxiety-producing conversations or information overload

• practice mindfulness and gratitude.

Begin to accept what you cannot control and focus on what you can.

Rachel xo